It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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