No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
