Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
