Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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