I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
