His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
