none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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