Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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