the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
