Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
