their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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