I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
