we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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