member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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