The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Farmville is her only friend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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