id be glad to
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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