If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm really into asian looking animals
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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