so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
