ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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