She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
