she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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