You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
