My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
