She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
