Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
