We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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