Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my poor anus
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
