She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
