it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
