I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
