I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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