do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
birth control should be required to get into college
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
