Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
