it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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