Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
