On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this will be a night to untag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
