would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
