I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
