We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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