I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
