i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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