so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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