so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
