i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
