I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
