How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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