he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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