When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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