o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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