bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
