Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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