if i can run in heels then i can drive
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
