In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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