I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
